Image courtesy of The Reel McCoy

Elf has in the past been one of our favorite Christmas movies.  And just taken on its own terms, it’s pretty good.  I think it’s one of Will Ferrell’s best performances, in the role of the human boy who is adopted by elves and raised as an elf, then leaves the North Pole to find his birth father.  It’s a classic fish-out-of-water plot, where Buddy the Elf doesn’t quite fit in among his elf family, but also has a hard time finding his place among his human family.  The character of Buddy is sweet and sincere, and Ferrell keeps him real, not cartoonish.

But what does it say about adoption?

I admit I’m hesitant to watch it with the kids this year, now that I know that David is more aware of his own adoption.  I really don’t want to put any ideas in his head about going to find his “real” family–that’s something he’s perfectly welcome to do once he’s 18.  I don’t think he will, but he can if he wants to.  And, of course, there’s the adoptive parents’ bane…the idea that there’s some other “real” parent out there.  You’d think the writers could at least have had Buddy going off to find his “birthdad,” instead of his “real” dad.  I mean, how did that make Papa Elf (Bob Newhart) feel to hear it put that way?  It was Papa Elf who raised him since he was an infant.

The set-up to the film happens when Buddy is making toys along with the other elves, and he doesn’t seem to notice that he’s about 4 feet taller than the rest of them.  He’s also not very good at making toys, unlike the other elves.  This is part of the humor–short stature and toy-making abilities are part of the genetic code for elves, but not for adopted humans like Buddy.  Buddy’s the only one who doesn’t seem to realize that he’s not, genetically speaking, an elf.

I wonder what that says about other adopted kids who are slightly genetically different from their adopted families.  David’s a little darker than the rest of us–something he has noticed, but which doesn’t seem to make him feel like he doesn’t belong.  When/If he meets his birthmother, who is Indian, he’ll notice that she’s dark like he is ( his birthfather is white, and looks a lot like the rest of us).  The implication is that people who are genetically different would fit in better among their own genetic kind.  I resent that.  David fits in perfectly right where he is.  And yet…there’s something to be appreciated in being with people who look like you.  I know that.

Once he finds his birthfather, he finds the man married with another child.  The father (played grouchily by James Caan) doesn’t really want his long-lost love child in his life, and denies Buddy the affection he’s seeking.  Now that’s realistic; adopted children often have fantasies about emotional reunions with birthparents and those just don’t always work out that way.  It’s realistic, but what will a 6-year-old boy think of it if he makes the connection to himself?  That his birthparents gave him up for adoption because they didn’t want him in their lives.  And they will (if the movie is to be believed) never want him in their lives…or not until the child himself puts an extraordinary amount of work into making the relationship work.

In the end, Buddy marries a girl from his human world, but returns to his elf father.  He has found a place in both of the worlds that are so much a part of him–his genetic world, and the world that nurtured and formed him.  Is that the best thing for an adopted child?  Maybe; I guess it depends on the person involved.  I suppose it’s ideal for a child to be able to connec tto all aspects of himself.  I’d like to keep David all to ourselves, but if he wants to connect to his genetic world, I’ll support him.  I don’t really see him straddling both worlds as successfully as Buddy did…but maybe he will.  Or maybe he’ll just get hurt.  I guess that’s the chance all adopted people take.

But maybe we adoptive parents (specifically me) need to remember that we have given our children everything, except their biological start.  Someone else did that…and thank God they did.  Our child wouldn’t be who he is without those other parents.  Maybe that’s the lesson to take from the movie; as with so many things, it’s not either/or.  It’s both/and.