Comments for Joseph's Joy http://josephsjoy.com Sun, 09 May 2010 03:01:17 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Comment on Dark Skin by Joseph http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-380 Joseph Sun, 09 May 2010 03:01:17 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-380 Thanks, Anglicanum, really. I don't think he's damaged, either, even if what I said wasn't the best thing in the world to say. But it's okay if commenters speak their minds about stuff, even if their thoughts do sting a little. I remind myself that she's only thinking of David, and it stings a little less. Thanks, Anglicanum, really. I don’t think he’s damaged, either, even if what I said wasn’t the best thing in the world to say. But it’s okay if commenters speak their minds about stuff, even if their thoughts do sting a little. I remind myself that she’s only thinking of David, and it stings a little less.

]]> Comment on Dark Skin by Anglicanum http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-378 Anglicanum Sun, 09 May 2010 01:53:40 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-378 Oh, give me a break. What are you, a Simpson's character? "Think of the children!!" I know this family. The child is not emotionally damaged. Cut the hysterics and the judgmental comments and tend to your own house. Oh, give me a break. What are you, a Simpson’s character? “Think of the children!!”

I know this family. The child is not emotionally damaged. Cut the hysterics and the judgmental comments and tend to your own house.

]]> Comment on Dark Skin by Joseph http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-338 Joseph Sun, 02 May 2010 23:07:32 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-338 I will check out those resources that you recommend, and I'm not saying I don't have things to learn about parenting a child whose skin is darker than mine--though that applies to 2 of my children, actually. But I wasn't holding his skin shade against him, I was only turning his own words back on him. It might not have been the best choice of words, but I think appalling is a pretty strong word to use. JJ I will check out those resources that you recommend, and I’m not saying I don’t have things to learn about parenting a child whose skin is darker than mine–though that applies to 2 of my children, actually. But I wasn’t holding his skin shade against him, I was only turning his own words back on him. It might not have been the best choice of words, but I think appalling is a pretty strong word to use.

JJ

]]> Comment on Dark Skin by Andrea http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-337 Andrea Sun, 02 May 2010 21:08:13 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-337 You told your child of color "Because you're the slave"??!! This isn't funny, it's appalling. *Please* please do some reading about anti-racism work - you are damaging your child just as much as if you physically hurt him. I too am an adoptive mom of children of color, and I am begging you, please. Try "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla" or "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria". Check out John Raible's blog. *Please.* You told your child of color “Because you’re the slave”??!! This isn’t funny, it’s appalling. *Please* please do some reading about anti-racism work – you are damaging your child just as much as if you physically hurt him. I too am an adoptive mom of children of color, and I am begging you, please. Try “I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla” or “Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria”. Check out John Raible’s blog. *Please.*

]]> Comment on Heartbreaking Situation by Joseph http://josephsjoy.com/?p=144&cpage=1#comment-309 Joseph Wed, 21 Apr 2010 05:57:13 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=144#comment-309 Yeah, I know. I don't know if it was selfish or not, but at best it exhibited poor judgment--from both of them--her mom should never have gone along with the plan. What concerns me about it all is what I mentioned in my post--she can't have tried everything. As a parent, giving up is the absolute last resort, and then only if it's in the best interest of the family, including the difficult child. Sometimes it is, but only after you've tried everything else. If Torry asks herself, "Did I do everything I could possibly do to make this work," then the answer will have to be no. Poor little thing. He can't help his problems, and I'm sure he's as scared by his violent feelings as she was. Now he'll think that nobody can love him because he's broken. But we're all broken in some way. Yeah, I know. I don’t know if it was selfish or not, but at best it exhibited poor judgment–from both of them–her mom should never have gone along with the plan. What concerns me about it all is what I mentioned in my post–she can’t have tried everything. As a parent, giving up is the absolute last resort, and then only if it’s in the best interest of the family, including the difficult child. Sometimes it is, but only after you’ve tried everything else. If Torry asks herself, “Did I do everything I could possibly do to make this work,” then the answer will have to be no.

Poor little thing. He can’t help his problems, and I’m sure he’s as scared by his violent feelings as she was. Now he’ll think that nobody can love him because he’s broken. But we’re all broken in some way.

]]> Comment on Heartbreaking Situation by Kim http://josephsjoy.com/?p=144&cpage=1#comment-303 Kim Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:52:51 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=144#comment-303 Very good points! Thanks for the post on this!! I think it very unfair of people to judge the actual relinquishing of Justin, because we don't know the whole story. As you mentioned, not all adoptions work out - sadly. However, I'm still sickened by the WAY she returned him to Russia. Yes, she had her mother take him to the airport, paid the fee to have an airline attendant watch over him, paid a man on the end to take him to the ministry building... but, he's SEVEN for goodness sake! Even well-adjusted, emotionally secure children would find this international flight and hand-off to complete strangers traumatizing. The responsible thing to do would have been for Torry to have personally delivered him to the Russian ministry -- making SURE he got there physically safe and with as little additional emotional trauma as possible. The way she sent him back seems quite selfish, resulting in her minimizing her own emotional trauma instead of the child's. Very good points! Thanks for the post on this!! I think it very unfair of people to judge the actual relinquishing of Justin, because we don’t know the whole story. As you mentioned, not all adoptions work out – sadly. However, I’m still sickened by the WAY she returned him to Russia.

Yes, she had her mother take him to the airport, paid the fee to have an airline attendant watch over him, paid a man on the end to take him to the ministry building… but, he’s SEVEN for goodness sake! Even well-adjusted, emotionally secure children would find this international flight and hand-off to complete strangers traumatizing. The responsible thing to do would have been for Torry to have personally delivered him to the Russian ministry — making SURE he got there physically safe and with as little additional emotional trauma as possible.

The way she sent him back seems quite selfish, resulting in her minimizing her own emotional trauma instead of the child’s.

]]> Comment on Dark Skin by Joseph http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-300 Joseph Sat, 17 Apr 2010 10:34:23 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-300 Um...thanks. Nice to know you like my writing style. Um…thanks. Nice to know you like my writing style.

]]> Comment on Dark Skin by Nemesis http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-298 Nemesis Fri, 16 Apr 2010 14:10:48 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-298 I would appreciate more visual materials, to make your blog more attractive, but your writing style really compensates it. But there is always place for improvement I would appreciate more visual materials, to make your blog more attractive, but your writing style really compensates it. But there is always place for improvement

]]> Comment on Dark Skin by Joseph http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-217 Joseph Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:25:34 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-217 Thank you. I don't know how much sinks in, but I guess that's true of all kids. I hope he remembers some of it. Thank you. I don’t know how much sinks in, but I guess that’s true of all kids. I hope he remembers some of it.

]]> Comment on Dark Skin by Sally Bacchetta http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125&cpage=1#comment-216 Sally Bacchetta Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:17:15 +0000 http://josephsjoy.com/?p=125#comment-216 I love your explanation of why he'll never be a slave. I love your explanation of why he’ll never be a slave.

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